We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming For Carbs

Warning: This post contains no reference to my WIP. I'm mired in the editing doldrums and taking a small breather, and I don't want to talk about it. I know you're bitterly disappointed, Dear Reader, but I think you'll survive. [Comforting pat on the back.] As a consolation, I'll tell you about another landmark event in my life.

I made bread. In my kitchen. By hand. 

This qualifies as an amazing feat ... it was my first time to use yeast in a recipe, all by myself. Go a head and laugh, Dear Reader. I know, I'm a grown woman and old enough to have two children (never you mind exactly how old), but bread has always intimidated me. Yeast is a mysterious, living substance that creeps me the heck out.

I am intimidated (and creeped) no more. Behold photographic proof of my glorious homemade challa, the most noble and delicious of breads:

It tastes about twenty times as delicious as it looks, and that's saying something.

The recipe is from grammar maven Martha Brockenbrough (who earned my eternal devotion with her Twi-mockery). It's surprisingly easy and makes two savory loaves. I dare you to try it -- you won't be sorry!

 How can you say no to such a delectable, bready face?

Martha Brockenbrough’s Challa (originally discovered here)

2.5 cups very warm water
1 tbsp yeast
1/2 cup sugar
4 tbsp melted butter
3 eggs (set aside one for the crust)
1 tbsp salt
8-9 cups flour

Mix yeast and sugar with water. Let sit until yeast is foamy on top. If it doesn't foam, your yeast is old. Add butter, salt, and two eggs. Whisk together.

Put it in your kitchen aid with the paddle attachment. Add flour one cup at a time until you get about four cups in there. Then switch to the dough hook and slowly add the rest of the flour. Let it knead until the dough isn't too sticky--you should be able to touch it and not come away with dough-finger. I usually let the mixer have at it for about five minutes.

Then, coat the dough ball with melted butter (there's usually enough in the pan to do this). Put it back in the bowl and let it rise at least an hour. It should double in size. I sometimes let it go 90 minutes.

After it's risen, punch it down and divide into two parts. Did I tell you you're making two loaves? Bonus! Then, divide those balls into three segments each. Roll them out until they're 15-18 inches long. Kids like doing this part, though they usually need a little help. Then braid, tucking the ends under so you don't see them.

Let the braids rise on a cookie sheet. I fit them side by side the long way, but not too close to each other. You'll want them to rise again for at least another hour. The long rise is what gets you a lighter bread. When the rising is done, whisk an egg yolk with a little water and gently paint it on the bread. This gives a nice, shiny finish. I like to sprinkle the top with sea salt. You can use poppy seeds if you don't care about having speckly teeth.

Turn the oven on to 375. Bake for 30-40 minutes. It will be golden brown on the outside and when you tap the bottom, you'll get a hollow sound.

Wait 20 minutes before slicing or it'll be freakishly hot.